Agnes McKeen lives in Klamath Falls, Oregon. About three years ago, at 16, Agnes’ son Harrison took his own life.
“In losing Harrison I lost all direction for
every ounce of love that a mother has for her child; I lost any idea of
where to direct that love. Just because Harrison’s gone doesn’t mean my
love for him went away,” she says.
“And I had to learn to love that which is not
physically here. And now my son’s energy is woven into the fabric of the
universe, and that’s where I directed my love. ... So now my love goes
to the community.”
You’ve probably seen the recent statistics
about the suicide epidemic — that suicide rates overall have risen by
over 30 percent this century; that teenage suicides are rising at
roughly twice that rate; that every year 45,000 Americans kill
themselves.
And
yet we don’t talk about it much. It’s uncomfortable. Some people
believe the falsehood that if we talk about suicide, it will plant the
idea in the minds of vulnerable people. Many of us don’t know what to
say or do.
A person may be at risk of committing suicide
when he or she expresses hopelessness or self-loathing, when he or she
starts joking about “after I’m gone,” starts giving away prized
possessions, seems preoccupied with death, suddenly withdraws or
suddenly appears calm after a period of depression, as if some decision
has been made.
When you’re around somebody like that, don’t
try to argue with her or him. Don’t say, “You have so much to live for!”
Or, “Do you realize how much this will devastate the people around
you?” If you gasp or act shocked you’ll burden the person with even more
shame and guilt, pushing that person even harder to withdraw.
Sufferers will often lie about their
plans. According to one study, 80 percent of suicide victims deny
suicidal thoughts before killing themselves. The first thing to do,
Agnes advises, is validate their feelings: “I can only imagine what
you’re feeling right now.” Then ask directly: “Are you thinking about
ending your life?” Remember, the person in front of you is only
contemplating suicide because he thinks it is the only way to get out of
the pain.
Your next job is to help them cope. People
contemplating suicide are often in the grips of a temporary mood
catastrophe, to which they unfortunately see a permanent solution.
The pain is real but not forever. Most people
who attempt suicide and fail are later glad they failed. Get them to
talk about the pain, so they can understand its contours. Ask them to
record their thoughts in a journal. Over time most of them will see that
there is a compulsive voice in their head telling them that they are
worthless and that there is no hope, and that this voice is a lying
voice.
The voice may be caused by a chemical
imbalance in the brain. Ask them to write down a life plan for those
moments when the lying voice gets loudest: Whom will they call? Where
will they go? Hang the contact information right on the wall. Don’t let
such a person swear you to secrecy. You’re going to find more help. Try
anti-suicide apps, like Tec-Tec, available through Apple or Amazon.
We also need to go broader. Suicide is a
societal problem. It’s strongly associated with social isolation. Men
die at higher rates than women, single people more than married people,
rural people more than urban people, Native Americans and whites more
than blacks or Latinos.
It’s also a values problem. Our
individualistic culture means there are vast empty gaps in our social
fabric where people suffer alone and invisibly. It’s also a guns
problem. A lot of people die simply because at their lowest moment,
there happened to be a gun around.
Agnes wrote to me that if you meet someone who
has lost someone to suicide, there are better ways to begin a
conversation. “SAY THEIR LOVED ONE’S NAME!” Share a memory. When you ask
how the survivor is doing, don’t let her say, “It’s not about me.”
Because it is, and about her recovery.
Agnes believes in professional help but says
what’s really necessary is belonging and peer counseling, “people
pouring their heart out, and it creates the mentality that, ‘if they can
do it, I can do it.’ ... Give folks a feeling of hope that we can rise
out of this and we can do it together.”
Her life has been messy, like a lot of lives,
but Agnes has a hard-earned wisdom. “I woke back up after losing
Harrison on Dec. 28, 2015. I was sitting on my front porch talking to
Harrison like I still do. I said, ‘Gosh darn it, Harrison, didn’t you
know how much I loved you!’ I felt him move through me. I could feel the
warmth, like you get when you wrap your hands around a cup of coffee.
And I heard him say, ‘Of course I know, Ma.’ I felt him.”
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
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